For those of you who are non military and who read this blog, the understanding of the evil world deployments, probably doesn't hit home like it does to my fellow Military families. I would like to describe, in detail and share with you the next year of my life...
The Chronicles of Deployment.
Today marks Week 3. Deployment #3.
I find myself crying a little more... I'm stressing. The days he doesn't call, I worry. I think with so much of my life in the unknown category, not knowing he is ok, freaks me out. Facing everything alone right now, makes me upset, stressed and angry. Its hard, its very hard. Battling the day-to-day battles. Added to the new stress of housing buying and so much more. I'm angry, I'm the one stuck dealing with it all. I know I signed up for the job, I understood and knew what I would be dealing with as a Military wife, especially that of an infantryman. Despite it all, I still find myself beyond bitter at the situation right now. I'm proud of my Husband, that will never change. Right now, my heart aches a little for him, each day he misses something new. ... Only so many pictures can fill the blanks of the year of milestones he will miss. I thought I keeping thinking back to the start of Kindergarten, when Ben wasn't allowed off work to take our Son to his first day of school, and now with the start of 1st grade, just around the corner, the Army has taken that too....
My babies make me proud of their father and break my heart all in the same moment. I cherish looking at some of the best features of my husband, how he shines in each of them... But Imagine, everyday being asked where Daddy is, how much longer till Daddy is home. Waking up to your child screaming for their father who is 1000s of miles away... the good days, and the bad you're the only one who is hear to deal with them. Your parenting team is broken and for a year your a single mother...
Driving to the airport, the other week I drove past another vehicle and on the back window, there was a blue star banner. Just seeing that, I felt myself slightly connected to this unknown driver in another car. They too understood the pain, worry and stress tied to the pride of flying a blue star banner...
I think when you have the military in your life, whether you're a Military Spouse, Parent or any other relation... with the military apart of your life, your pride grows a little more. I felt sad, I knew that meant a large piece of their heart and family was missing. And they too, are counting the days till their heart can be full again.
What breaks my heart more, are the Gold Star banners...
(I'm actually getting goose bumps as I type these words out to you now.)
The owner of a Gold Star Banner, to me, will be one of the STRONGEST
people you will ever meet.
They display, with pride the memory of a Soldier who has paid the ultimate price.
If you see one, stop, if only for a moment. Behind that gold star on that piece of fabric, is a story. Someones husband, wife, son, daughter, mother, father has given their life...
They paid the price for our freedom.
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